What I’ve learned in My First Few Years of Marriage
A new marriage is like a blank page staring at you. It’s ready for you to write your story on it. It’s new, fresh and the beginning of something so beautiful only if we allow God to be the author. Many times, we rush to the altar because we believe in our minds and our heart that this is “The One” without consulting God first. Marriage is ordained and created by the one true God and a covenant that the devil with all his might is trying to destroy. A Godly Marriage is not just for two people who desire to be married, but it’s an example of the fellowship between God and His people.
The unity of marriage is a visual representation of the kingdom of God. As God being the head, the husband being the covering (head over the home) and the wife, the teacher and nurturer of her children (Ephesians 5:23). God’s design in marriage was never for the woman to be the head of over the man. The Garden of Eden is where the deconstruction of the unity of marriage began when Adam allowed his wife, Eve to cause him to doubt what God told him. Eve over stepped her boundary by manipulating the word of God to get what she wanted from Adam.
Isn’t this just like some wives today to try to change the situation and to manipulate their husbands to do what they want him to do instead of following the original plan? Since the original plan was destroyed through curiosity, lust and greed, the word of God clearly tells the woman, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” Genesis 3:16. Only when we, as wives decide to completely submit to our husbands as our husbands completely submit to God, will we then find a sense of peace in our homes and in our spirits.
Respect
“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband”- Ephesians 5:33
This is one word that I completely failed at in the beginning of my marriage. I thought I knew what it was to RESPECT my husband, but unfortunately, I didn’t. I fought against him and what he would ask me to do if I didn’t see it his way. In a sense, I became Eve. It wasn’t until I was convicted in my spirit that I realized I was so wrong, and I sinned against God and my husband by not RESPECTING him. Once I submitted my will to my husband as he submitted his will to God, then there was harmony and unity in or marriage and we begin to see God work in miraculous ways. God opened doors for us that no man can shut. He proved to us that in order for Him to work through us, we must first SUBMIT to Him. This is by no means a bad word. To me, it’s a beautiful word because it shows me how much strength I have to submit my will and way to another. This is just like God because all He wants us to do is submit to Him so He can work through us.
Marriage is not designed just to make you happy.
I’ve heard so many couples separate or divorce their spouse because they just weren’t “Happy” with them anymore. Happiness is based on what is currently happening. If happiness is the goal in marriage, then what happens when there is a disagreement? Is that grounds for divorce? There are going to be times in marriage when you are frustrated with each other for whatever reason.
It’s important to FORGIVE and to move forward quickly in order for you to remain in good standing with the Lord, and each other as stated in St. Matthew 6:14-15, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
The longer a resolution to a situation is delayed the longer the devil has to come in and work on your mind. We are instructed to leave NO space for the devil (Ephesians 4:26-27). What are some of the reasons why couples become unhappy and grow apart? In some cases, they allow the spark of romance to decease and find other things to occupy their time and energy rather than spending quality time with their spouse. Sometimes it can be career, children or even the ministry. God’s desire is for there to be unity within the marriage because with unity there is strength. He wants us to grow together in Him which will in turn cause us to grow together with each other. He also wants us to fulfill each other’s needs in all areas “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs” 1 Corinthians 7:3, NLT.
[Side note: Here are a few ways to bring back the romance in a marriage: reminisce on the time when you were courting, look at old pictures together, give each other a massage, take a trip together, just the two of you, go on a date, surprise each other with your favorite things, just simply tell each other what you love about one another and remember it’s the little things that counts.]
Never Give Up
Please take a moment to read the New Living Translation version of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 with your spouse. The verse that brought me to repentance was verse 7, "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." God is so faithful even when we aren't.
His love is continual even in our consistent sin. I'm so glad I never gave up on my husband when we went through our tough times, and he didn't give up on me. And I am even more grateful that Christ didn't give up on both of us and kept us together.
These are just a few things out of the many things I’ve learned in my short time being married to my wonderful husband. We are not perfect, but we are definitely perfect for each other. Handcrafted and designed by God just for one another. Our prayer is for God to continue to do His will in our lives, and allow our marriage to be an example of His perfect love for His Church.