Busting the Myth of Separateness

Written by: -Michelle E. Diago

Before we jump into marriages and relationships I must share something with you in the spirit of full disclosure. I’ve been on a pretty intense spiritual journey. The kind that changes the trajectory of your entire life and lies at the heart of my desire to serve others. This experience has had such a profound impact on my life and my marriage that I knew it needed to be one of the first things I shared with all of you. Some of it is pretty “heavy,” but I believe it’s the, “meat and potatoes,” that draws people together and I want you to see me on day one for who I truly am. So here it goes!

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I share this with you because it has been an integral part of where I’ve been in my life and more importantly where I am going. In fact, this is the first time I have publicly shared that I am a survivor (I’m letting it marinate for a minute, but so far it doesn’t feel so bad!) so I thank you for bearing witness to this step in my own personal evolution. So, why do I feel the need to tell you this? Because my abuse tormented my life, my happiness and my relationships for decades. I’ve spent much of my life with low self-esteem, an inability to trust and in a continual state of depression. Simply put, I was so busy fearing life that I wasted years not actually living it. As an adolescent, I had been blessed with great athletic ability, wonderful learning opportunities and numerous blessings. When I became an adult, I found an amazing husband, I inherited 3 beautiful children and by all accounts led a, “well-adjusted,” life. But secretly I was dying inside. Some days were a struggle just to make it through the motions of marriage, motherhood and my career. What was worse was that I knew full well that I was a prisoner to my own past. Yet nothing I tried brought me salvation. And then it all changed…

I reached a point in my life that I could no longer carry the weight of this burden. It was as if I had picked up a rock, every day for the last 25+ years until one day I turned around and realized that this mountain was no longer mine to climb. There had to be a better way. I didn’t know what that way was or how it would come about but a voice inside of me urged me to begin again. Through a remarkable series of people and events my life drastically changed within a matter of months. I couldn’t be more sincere when I tell you that once I finally made the decision to surrender my abuse, my pain and all my years of suffering over to God and simply ask for a miracle everything around me began to conspire in my favor. It was as if all this love and energy had been waiting for me for years but I held on so tightly to my victimization that I had nowhere to receive the blessings that were right in front of me. In the days, weeks and months since I made this shift in my life I have devoted myself to my faith, to meditation and to every possibility that awaits me. It’s something I practice every day. Some days I stumble, some days I am a rock star and exude love and peace. Bust most days are spent in what I consider to be the, “thick of things.” The process by which extraordinary change is possible. The process that guides you into a higher vibrational existence and opens you up to creative possibilities, to love and to light. I share this with you because one of my first, “a-ha,” moments in this spiritual journey spoke directly to my marriage and the way I approached my husband.

As little girls, we are conditioned to believe that some ONE will come along one day and complete us. They will be the yin to our yang. They will bring all the qualities that we lack into our lives and give us complete happiness, love and acceptance. In my case, I wanted someone whose presence in my life would somehow heal me and my past. Let me be the first to tell you ladies that that is one big, heaping, steaming pile of you…know…what. Not because life is cruel and prince-charming and fairytales don’t exist. It’s false because it undermines one of the most basic truths about every single human being. And that is that we are wholly and wonderfully made in His image which has no lack, no sin and no separateness. All our senses lead us to believe that we are separate individuals leading separate lives searching desperately for interconnection. And yet our truth, our spirit has no boundaries. How can there be separateness when we are all an idea in the mind of God? How can another mortal form complete us when the fabric of who we are is already pure, eternal and whole?

As we begin to dive into issues surrounding marriage and relationships it is an absolute necessity that each of you embrace your wholeness from this moment forward. There is nothing within you that needs completion or “fixing,” nor is that the purpose of having intimate relationships or otherwise. Every relationship that you have during your life is an assignment. It’s part of a greater curriculum that is highly specialized for you and your life not to fill a void but to bridge your human experience with your Truth. There is nothing your partner can give you that you don’t already have deep within you my friend. Every ounce of strength, every moment of profound wisdom, every answer that you seek lies within you. Just like an acorn is hardwired to grow into a tree, a rosebud into a blossom and a single cell into a human being you have within you the blueprint to become a joyous and peaceful person and partner.

Over the next couple of weeks, I challenge each of you to acknowledge and celebrate your wholeness whether it be through words of affirmation, daily prayer or even just considering the possibility that a different way exists. Know with every fiber of your being that your spirit, your truth is perfect. My spiritual journey has empowered me to approach my marriage from a completely different point of view. It’s given me a strength and wisdom that wasn’t there before and it has manifested so many miracles in my relationship as it will surely do for you and yours. Whatever your path has been up until this point in your life and in your marriage, know that you are held by God. Next time we’ll discuss how you can begin manifesting your Truth and how that one small shift can make a huge impact on your relationship. Until then…the love in me salutes the love in you.